October 9, 2019
Imran Ahmed Khan Niazi
Prime Minister of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan
Dear Mr. Prime Minister,
Let’s work out a good deal! You don’t want to be responsible for slaughtering thousands of people in Kashmir, and I don’t wan’t to be responsible for destroying the Pakistan economy or breaking up your nation into parts again−and I will. We have already given you a big sample with respect to Bangladesh, and some much smaller samples recently in Uri and Balakot.
I have worked hard to solve some of the problems with the abrogation of Articles 370 and 35A of the Indian Constitution. Don’t let Kashmir down. You can make a great deal.
Amit Bhai Shah is willing to negotiate with you, and he is willing to make concessions that we would have never made in the past. Since you are already in the process of selling Gilgit-Baltistan, PoK and Gwadar Port to China, we will agree to buy these places at 18% premium (our GST rate).
Additionally, the children of your country will not have to learn a new language (Mandarin), as they already speak Urdu, which is very similar to Hindi. Amit Bhai has already spoken in public about how Hindi is a unifying language.
History (a subject I have been told you are pretty weak in) will look upon you favourably – even more favourably than your cricketing achievements – if you do this right and in a non-radical way. It will look upon you forever as the devil if good things don’t happen. Don’t try to be a tough guy as you don’t have a 56″ chest like me. Don’t be a fool like you were in the UN!
Amit Bhai will call you later.